Quality Quotes

Okay, so, people I know, that are in my life, have a tendency to say really epic things.
Epic things may include: really dumb things, entirely disgusting things, hilarious things, deep things, intelligent things, and just plain old cool things.
I used to put all of these things on Facebook, but let's face it, Facebook isn't epic enough for the quality stuff I've been posting. So I made these epic things a blog. Enjoy.

**P.S. Most of the posts will have my friends' nicknames attached, instead of their real full names.

My presence is a presidential gavel.
— Amanda

Like I told you, I know everything. Because of Tumblr.
— Marshmallow

So, the way that you say “sigh” in English sounds like the Dutch word for boring.
— Marshmallow

So we can do proper blues dancing. And by proper, I mean improper.
— Melanie

Oh! That guy just shot me in the face! What a douchebag! Bitch.
— Seth

I should give my parents an aneurysm- marry me.
— Kunal

I was trying to get a little high, so I did.
— Taylor

I would put off watching Doctor Who for you, Sage. If that doesn’t show I care about you, I don’t know what does!!
— Sir John

I might have to unfriend that person… In real life.
— Sir John

The lights on the Christmas trees… Did a Jew put them up?? I mean, they looked awful.
— My (Jewish) mother

• Me: I'm going to punch you with a Klainebow.
• Marije: I wouldn't mind that, actually.

I walked into my bedroom, and my pants got wet. I was like, wtf?
— Joe

John, if you don’t eat that, I’m going to post on Facebook that I am your husband.
— Joe

I thought that it was camel toe, but I guess it was your testicles.
— Joe

What is it with Christians and their cookies being Jesus?
— My seestur